Contact

Hey, now that Sarah Palin has stepped down as the Governor of Alaska...how do I contact her, where do I send her an email???

Tomorrow, the company will give out letters to us letting us know who will have a job beyond August 28th. They are closing an entire clinic due to the cutbacks, which means 40 or so jobs unable to be absorbed. There is much prayer and fasting going on. I was even asked to lead in a prayer at our unit meeting last Friday (monumental for a place where you can't say, "Merry Christmas" or "God bless you." I prayed in the name of Jesus.)

I'll share about my fun-filled weekend later. I just had this question screaming out inside of me.

Never Again A Time Like This

There were more tears and questions today as Carl (the VP) came out--initally to hand out year of service awards--yet ended up fielding question after question regardingn the process of this move and what that entails for Covina staff. He seemed somewhat more upbeat than our clinic manager when detailing the effects of the cutbacks, stating that, the children's sites would not be affected as much as the adults." That is until a friend of mine asked how that would affect administrative staff. Then the mood turned a bit more grim. 25 clinical staff and 20 administrative to lose their jobs. Unless the job sharing program works...then some positions woold be saved. A majority of staff would prefer to cut thier own hours if it meant that some jobs could be salvaged. How that works is that an employee would work 32 hours and collect unemployment for the remaining 8, all the while retaining their insurance benefits. He went over plans in the works...and there are many plans they are attempting to work out. Carl did say that this is the most difficult thing to have to do. And that it's not easy having to let good people go. There were tears. Later that day, a clinical friend of mine was sitting in our department and we were laughing and joking with each other in spite of our (perhaps premature) feeling of loss. I said, "You know, it's good we can laugh because there may never be another time like this with each one of us here in this place."

None of us will know who gets to move on to eithe rthe El Monte site of the La Puente site and who is being let go until July 31st when each of us will receive a letter. After that, we work (all of us) until August 28th. Some of us will pack up our boxes and go on to work with both current co-workers and new co-workers already at the La Puente site--or the El Monte site. And some of us will just be packing our boxes and going home. Either way...we will all be hugely impacted by this.

Goodbyes are never easy for me. And sometimes take me years to 'get over'.

I pray for the peace of all involved--from the top to the bottom.

Beauty Does Fade

What a beautiful way to begin a new week and end a 3 day weekend--at a faraway beach, that is. I didn't want to spend the day at a beach I've frequented before, one that would stir up negative energy or cause some melancholy funk. The idea was to spend a relaxing day with only specific people from my family (mainly, baby Bev and Day) so that I could see them swim in the "waveless" part of the ocean. And for the most part, it was relaxing...the day began overcast as is usual for beach cities. But of course it burned off and the sun came out, the wind blew a bit and cooled the summer day. It was a much needed break from all of the media coverage of recent celebrity deaths and the mundane occurrences at the place I call work. (Yes, it's true, in my newly demoted position, I am bored. Even though I am learning new things and working towards certification.) I walked along the beach with the baby...showing her shells and rocks along the way..kicking up water as it slowly rolled to shore. It was the best day I have had in months and months. (La Dia Bonita.)

When I arrived at work this morning I heard from the girls that our Day Treatment program was being cut. I also saw on the news that the proposed budget was released and millions and billions of dollars have been cut for the funding that we bill to as a mental health clinic. (Not a good beginning to my work week.) Then, the clinic manager called a mandatory meeting at 10:30 that morning. Another not so good sign. Our clinic manager proceeded to tell us that de to the county cutbacks, we would be closing one site and basically combining our clinic with theres--in terms of staff. What it means for us is we will be moving into another clinic in La Puente, but not all of us will be able to go. Some of us will just have to go. Am I worried that I will be one of the ones to lose my job? Not really worried. I am trusting in God's provision for my life. It is difficult when all I see is crying and negative around me. Do I feel helpless and out of control? Yes. Is that how I am supposed to feel? Probably. It's not my job to fix things and work all things out. Do I know what I will do or where I will go if I lose my job? No. But I know that if I need to flip hamburgers for a while before God moves me to my new career, then I will. I don't have fear. Do I like this situation I find myself in? (The whole being almost 40 without a home, demoted to receptionist, without a significant other to come home to at night--I am both Bridget Jones and Ugly Betty!) Not at all. Nevertheless, I am to be content in ALL things. And I got a word from the Lord...a position is being created for me. And God is working on my behalf. So I'm gonna hold onto that because I don't have anything else at this point--and there are some who don't even have that. And I find no comfort in any other voice. So I will listen for that still small one.

One thing I am learning from all of these trials and the humbling experiences of every day life at ENKI (and life in general) is that we must choose what side of the fence we are going to be. I believe there is a great shaking going on in order to awaken the church/people. i think there is a line being drawn in the sand and the Lord is saying, "Which side are you on? You must decide."

This is not a time for straddling.

Writing is good. It helps. I need to make time to do it more often. It's cathartic. And since i refuse to go to a shrink again...this works out.

A Busy Day Off...?

Dinner plans were for Johnny Carino's at 6:30 with some current co-workers and some previous. Although I was tired from the day's busyness of sanding walls, applying primer to them, painting them and attempting to keep my cousin's 18 month old daughter from getting her hands into the paint and making a mess, I was eager to see the above mentioned previous coworkers. Dinner chat was normal...who was irritating at ENKI and who has since left, what's new in everyone's life, etc. (Amy is now with child, Erika's ex-fiance is crazy and therefore in rehab, and so on and so forth.) I felt a bit out of place when my friend asked another friend if she was daitng anyone. It was almost a bit of nervousness since my answer would have been "no," as it always is and the fear of sounding utterly pathetic slowly crept into my mind. Then, alas (thank God), somebody changed the subject. It was probably Maria since she's a little ADHD. Then a few minutes passed when I enthusiastically cheered, "Oh my grandpa was healed of cancer!" As if someone had asked me what was new. (They did. It was just minutes prior. And the subject had already been changed as I said before.) I guess the fear of sounding 'utterly pathetic' got into me. And now, I was only feeling like a total doof for my timing. But in looking back on it, why wouldn't I rave about what God has done in my life and in the life of my family? I may not have a man in my life, but I have the MAN. And why should that be pathetic? Because I am about to turn 40 in a few short months? As one of my friend's stated, "Age is just a number." And it shouldn't dictate my actions, reactions or limit my abilities. It shouldn't but I fight with allowing it to. (Still, the flesh side of me does ache at times to have someone in my life; someone to hold me in their arms and love me and feel secure with. Someone just to be able to come home to and sit with.) But you know, I think I am coming to terms with the fact that I am not working for a house in this life, I'm not looking for security of this world. I wont have a baby. And I wont retire and need a 401k. I wont buy a house. And a life lacking those things to some might be devastating. But I am working towards something else; somethings bigger. I am doing exciting things...every Saturday morning I hear the voice of God and am able to communicate with Him and other believers freely. Of course, that's not the only time I hear from him. But it's an atmosphere that I dare not pass up or sleep in for. I just don't get why more don't join in. It's the most alive that I have ever felt is during those times. And I am faithful because He is faithful. So anyway... during dinner it's almost as if I have nothing to share; that there isn't anything new or exciting going on because I'm not dating anyone. Or I'm not having a baby. So I felt kind of out of place, but in truth, I've got a lot going for me. Things are happening in the spirit--which a lot of people don't understand anyway. We are praying every Saturday morning and things are happening; people are changing. I was a bit discouraged because there are specific friends that I don't see a change in, but everyone has a free will--and some of them are really stubborn and hard-hearted. I wont give up praying for them, but maybe pursuing a friendship is just not God's will. Besides, the word says, you shall know them by their fruits. I know which people are my real friends and really care about me. And those are the ones I will interact with and trust with my pearls. And the others...I will pray until the Lord says to relinquish. So I can't really share with anyone about what the Lord is doing...or can I? Should I have? I've noticed I have kept to myself more. You never know who you can trust. Everyone at work knows that I got a demotion. And that I don't like my current position as receptionist/operator. The working relationships are strained and I don't know how long I can keep my mouh shut. I don't know what the Lord is doing with me except that I am being stretched and humbled. All I can do is just continue to trust Him and know that He knows best for me. And I can go to Him and ask for help and He never turns me down. And he never lies. Only with His help with I pay off my debt (loan, timeshare, credit cards, etc.) So this started out as a blog about my day...but I find myself so full of all this stuff going on in my head and heart that I didn't know quite what to do with. Random thoughts like, I've been hearing from several different people at work that they heard great things about my work and how my files in HR were so organized, etc. Part of me wants to say, "Yeah, but they didn't give me the HR position. They chose someone else--the 'best candidate.' And the other part of me graciously says, "Oh that's nice. God has something else for me." The IT Coordinator made a comment about getting me away from the front desk and it had something to do with assisting him...? Like I said, it was random. I'm not even sure how to end this. I've opened up my heart online (not the most secure of places) and now I am left with a tear. The best thing about God is being able to go back to that infantile state of needing to be nurtured and cry out, "Daddy, daddy" and he is right there. *sigh* Still, I miss my daddy. And I do wish he could be right here. Well...I should probably just stop here since I have had a busy day and the feeling of fatigue is finally catching up with me.

My happiest thought today: God healed my grandpa of cancer.

Manifesting Joel

I sat in near awe and amazement as 9, 10...12 year olds prayed fervently and passionately to God regarding such things as abortion. Some of the beliefs the children expressed were obviously taught by man, but it was the other expressions of faith that both caught me off-guard and inspired me. Some of the statements made, the prayers prayed could only be inspired and birthed by the Lord. They weren't redundant catch phrases and doctrines used by church-going evangelicals; it wasn't merely the spewing of church lingo. It was a sincere faith birthed from an evident encounter and on-going relationship with the Holy Spirit...and a pure heart of obedience that caused those declarations of faith to be spoken. It jump started my faith and increased my desire to see the young people at our church praying those prayers of faith on behalf of our nation, our president and those unborn babies. The documentary is called Jesus Camp and although it was filmed in 2006 and the complexion of America has changed dramatically since then, I believe that, He who began a good work will complete it. And what we were seeing on film in 2006 was only the tip of the iceberg. Afterall, they don't call the church the "frozen chosen" for nothing. (heh.) And if I hadn't already experienced a bit of that with children in my own family, I probably would be somewhat cynical too. But this documentary capturing a glimpse of what God can do with a simple, child-like faith only confirmed a work that was started in me and around me years ago.

In Joel 2:28-29, it says:

And it shall come to pass afterward,
That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh;
Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
Your old men shall dream dreams,
Your young men shall see visions,
And also on My menservants and on My maidservants,
I will pour out My Spirit in those days...



May I be a part of that.