A Busy Day Off...?

Dinner plans were for Johnny Carino's at 6:30 with some current co-workers and some previous. Although I was tired from the day's busyness of sanding walls, applying primer to them, painting them and attempting to keep my cousin's 18 month old daughter from getting her hands into the paint and making a mess, I was eager to see the above mentioned previous coworkers. Dinner chat was normal...who was irritating at ENKI and who has since left, what's new in everyone's life, etc. (Amy is now with child, Erika's ex-fiance is crazy and therefore in rehab, and so on and so forth.) I felt a bit out of place when my friend asked another friend if she was daitng anyone. It was almost a bit of nervousness since my answer would have been "no," as it always is and the fear of sounding utterly pathetic slowly crept into my mind. Then, alas (thank God), somebody changed the subject. It was probably Maria since she's a little ADHD. Then a few minutes passed when I enthusiastically cheered, "Oh my grandpa was healed of cancer!" As if someone had asked me what was new. (They did. It was just minutes prior. And the subject had already been changed as I said before.) I guess the fear of sounding 'utterly pathetic' got into me. And now, I was only feeling like a total doof for my timing. But in looking back on it, why wouldn't I rave about what God has done in my life and in the life of my family? I may not have a man in my life, but I have the MAN. And why should that be pathetic? Because I am about to turn 40 in a few short months? As one of my friend's stated, "Age is just a number." And it shouldn't dictate my actions, reactions or limit my abilities. It shouldn't but I fight with allowing it to. (Still, the flesh side of me does ache at times to have someone in my life; someone to hold me in their arms and love me and feel secure with. Someone just to be able to come home to and sit with.) But you know, I think I am coming to terms with the fact that I am not working for a house in this life, I'm not looking for security of this world. I wont have a baby. And I wont retire and need a 401k. I wont buy a house. And a life lacking those things to some might be devastating. But I am working towards something else; somethings bigger. I am doing exciting things...every Saturday morning I hear the voice of God and am able to communicate with Him and other believers freely. Of course, that's not the only time I hear from him. But it's an atmosphere that I dare not pass up or sleep in for. I just don't get why more don't join in. It's the most alive that I have ever felt is during those times. And I am faithful because He is faithful. So anyway... during dinner it's almost as if I have nothing to share; that there isn't anything new or exciting going on because I'm not dating anyone. Or I'm not having a baby. So I felt kind of out of place, but in truth, I've got a lot going for me. Things are happening in the spirit--which a lot of people don't understand anyway. We are praying every Saturday morning and things are happening; people are changing. I was a bit discouraged because there are specific friends that I don't see a change in, but everyone has a free will--and some of them are really stubborn and hard-hearted. I wont give up praying for them, but maybe pursuing a friendship is just not God's will. Besides, the word says, you shall know them by their fruits. I know which people are my real friends and really care about me. And those are the ones I will interact with and trust with my pearls. And the others...I will pray until the Lord says to relinquish. So I can't really share with anyone about what the Lord is doing...or can I? Should I have? I've noticed I have kept to myself more. You never know who you can trust. Everyone at work knows that I got a demotion. And that I don't like my current position as receptionist/operator. The working relationships are strained and I don't know how long I can keep my mouh shut. I don't know what the Lord is doing with me except that I am being stretched and humbled. All I can do is just continue to trust Him and know that He knows best for me. And I can go to Him and ask for help and He never turns me down. And he never lies. Only with His help with I pay off my debt (loan, timeshare, credit cards, etc.) So this started out as a blog about my day...but I find myself so full of all this stuff going on in my head and heart that I didn't know quite what to do with. Random thoughts like, I've been hearing from several different people at work that they heard great things about my work and how my files in HR were so organized, etc. Part of me wants to say, "Yeah, but they didn't give me the HR position. They chose someone else--the 'best candidate.' And the other part of me graciously says, "Oh that's nice. God has something else for me." The IT Coordinator made a comment about getting me away from the front desk and it had something to do with assisting him...? Like I said, it was random. I'm not even sure how to end this. I've opened up my heart online (not the most secure of places) and now I am left with a tear. The best thing about God is being able to go back to that infantile state of needing to be nurtured and cry out, "Daddy, daddy" and he is right there. *sigh* Still, I miss my daddy. And I do wish he could be right here. Well...I should probably just stop here since I have had a busy day and the feeling of fatigue is finally catching up with me.

My happiest thought today: God healed my grandpa of cancer.

Manifesting Joel

I sat in near awe and amazement as 9, 10...12 year olds prayed fervently and passionately to God regarding such things as abortion. Some of the beliefs the children expressed were obviously taught by man, but it was the other expressions of faith that both caught me off-guard and inspired me. Some of the statements made, the prayers prayed could only be inspired and birthed by the Lord. They weren't redundant catch phrases and doctrines used by church-going evangelicals; it wasn't merely the spewing of church lingo. It was a sincere faith birthed from an evident encounter and on-going relationship with the Holy Spirit...and a pure heart of obedience that caused those declarations of faith to be spoken. It jump started my faith and increased my desire to see the young people at our church praying those prayers of faith on behalf of our nation, our president and those unborn babies. The documentary is called Jesus Camp and although it was filmed in 2006 and the complexion of America has changed dramatically since then, I believe that, He who began a good work will complete it. And what we were seeing on film in 2006 was only the tip of the iceberg. Afterall, they don't call the church the "frozen chosen" for nothing. (heh.) And if I hadn't already experienced a bit of that with children in my own family, I probably would be somewhat cynical too. But this documentary capturing a glimpse of what God can do with a simple, child-like faith only confirmed a work that was started in me and around me years ago.

In Joel 2:28-29, it says:

And it shall come to pass afterward,
That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh;
Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
Your old men shall dream dreams,
Your young men shall see visions,
And also on My menservants and on My maidservants,
I will pour out My Spirit in those days...



May I be a part of that.

Barf Bag Anyone?

Okay, so I have had a headache since about 5:00 am on Sunday. I thought I would have to leave the 10:00 am service at church to make a quick trip to the bathroom since I was so nauseated. Mal and I left immediately after serice and headed to the nearest Del Taco drive through so I could put something in my stomach (aside from the 2 Tylenol 8 Hour capsules I had taken before church). So I ordered a cheeseburger and began eating it. We hadn't gone more than a mile, before I started to get that feeling again as if I needed to throw up. There wasn't time to pull over since we were on the freeway so I just used the empty bag. Yeah, and paper isn't really very sturdy--or leak proof! When we got home, I tried to clean some of it up, but was so sick that I guess Mal had compassion on me. She courageously cleaned up after me as I went straight to my room to put on some pjs and take meds and get to bed. Eventually, I held down some toast and gatorade. Then ate normal food. I had the headache until today so I called out from work. Actually, I had been waiting for an excuse to call off from work. This week I begin my new schedule...I will close every Friday. It's not as bad as it sounds since I am the one who offered to take the late day on Friday. I don't have senority up in the front anyway.

Saturday just before prayer began Pastor Lucy told me to keep up my good attitude and know that all this training I am going to receive is free training and that promotion is coming. I just have to trust the Lord. And be ready. So we'll see...I just want to be obedient and humble.

So we watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona...I made a comment to my friend about the academy giving actors who play gays and lesbians the awards. I haven't seen Sean Penn's performance in Milk, but as far as Penelope Cruz's character in Vicky, I don't think it was all that outstanding. She wasn't any better than Scarlett Johannsen's portrayal of her character. I don't know...the initial proposal made by the lead male character should have been indicative of the content of the rest of the movie and I should have taken that as clue.....

I just saw a cute little movie called Just Like Heaven with Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo (whom I love) and I loved it. It was entertaining and the characters were all likeable.

Anyway, enough of my movie commentary...I need to get to bed before my headache comes back. Oh yeah, I took 2 Sudafeds and it went away. Next time, before swallowing so many 800 mgs of ibuprofens or tylenols, I will try that.

Sad Day

I remained in my office today, not having to go up to the front desk, but rather work on an all-day project for my boss with other co-workers (I'm glad I have a huge desk.)

There were moments when I felt somewhat sad: when Suzanne came in and made a "light-hearted" comment about me making less money. I confided in her, not so she could throw it in my face, but because I trusted her. (I guess we have to be careful who we trust...casting pearls before swine?) My other sad moment came when my friend from Corporate called to ask me a question. She asked how I was and I said I was fine and that God is in control. She concurred and then she went on musing as to the reason behind her call. She then blurted out, "Oh, it was Eloysa, not you." (I wanted to say, yes, Eloysa got the position and I didn't. I'm number 2 and she is number 1. While I didn't say that, it was a bit awkward and there was a noticeable silence between us.) She apologized for calling me in error, but I don't think she really meant for the comment to come out the way it did--nor did she realize it had. Then another friend Yvette made a comment, "Man, they're just stripping you of everything" in regards to me not being able to cover the management meeting due to the confidentiality of it. Yeah, I feel as though I'm going backwards.

But God knows. And I trust. He said He knows the plans He has for me and that is to bless me and prosper me. And I choose to believe His word and not what my circumstances show. It's only a matter of time.

And I had another person come into my office to confirm that I am witnessing through my everday life at ENKI and that she believes we are all called there for a reason. I was blessed by her words, just as I was last week by another who said I'd be blessed. Both could see not only that I have a good attitude but that the peace of God is evident. And that's what I want all to see in me; through me. I'm thankful the Lord sent someone to bless my day. It lifted some of the sadness. Who knows what's in store for me tomorrow because I think the paperwork if finally being done regarding my transition out of the HR/FA position. It's back to grunt work now I suppose. Things could always be worse, but I am glad I have the Lord's favor.

I got an email from a friend asking for prayer for her mom who has been diagnosed with kidney cancer and her father in law who may have prostate cancer. God is on the move. Signs and wonders will follow me. I believe it.

New Job?

Yes, it seems that there is a change about to take place in my life and it's about to take another turn. I've been trying to process what all this means, in my head since I got the call from Yoly at Enki Admininstrative Office yesterday. My life, it seems is so full of interruptions and the only quiet time I get is before the throne of God.

So yesterday, sometime around 4:30 she called to thank me for interviewing and went on to say what a srtong candidate I was, but unfortunately it wasn't I who was selected. She said, 'they felt they chose the best candidate for the position.' Um, thanks...? How do I thank someone for, in a round-about-way, saying that I was number two? (Or possibly even number 3?) My boss, as well as the clinic manager couldn't believe I didn't get it. And most of my co-workers seemed shocked that I wasn't given the position. (Some, like Elaine and Jen were almost ecstatic that I didn't get it and would remain at Covina by either exclaiming, 'See, I knew God wouldn't take you away from me.' Or simply by giving me a huge hug.) The news of not being given the position isn't what I was freaked out about. About 20 minutes prior to receiving the call from Yoly yesterday, I asked my boss what would happen if in 6 months, I wasn't able to get certified in the departments. She quietly informed me that I would move down to a level 1 (I'm currently, until Friday, anyway, a level 5)...a demotion. I told my boss I would quit before I went back to a level 1. It's hard not to be disappointed, but evidently that wasn't the job that God wanted for me and He has something else in store. If that means I have to take a pay cut, then, so be it. He promised to supply all my needs. And I do trust Him. I kind of hope the girl from El Monte got it because I heard she was quite devastated when the news of the HR/FA positions at all sites being eliminated came out. I pray the Lord meets her needs too.

So I have a new hire on Friday-my last. So many things will change after Friday...I'll have to take down m beach pictures from the blue wall in my office and put them into storage sinc ei wont be getting my own office, but sharing one with three others. It's similar to the feeling I felt when packing up and leaving my apartment; like saying goodbye to an old friend. (And that is never fun.) I'll have to stay late at least one night and coordinate lunch schedules with the other girls.... Part of me wonders if maybe I didn't get too comfortable where I was and maybe I took for granted all the freedoms I had. I don't know if the Lord wants me to learn thankfulness again or what. Whatever the lesson, may I learn it quickly. And may the Lord continue to use me where I am...obviously He's got something else for me to do there.