BlOcKs

I remember someone saying--was it, Madonna--that we don't speak in complete blocks of thought. And in our fast-paced, rush-hour being multiple hours, instant society (namely, LA), it seems nearly impossible. For instance, on my job there are phone calls, overhead pages, toilets that clog, alarms that go off, line staff and management staff who are all in need of something that I have. And if I don't have it, then it's my job to get it--from someone else who has it (e.g. the money, the answer, the tools to fix it, the authority to approve it, etc.) This is not Wall Street, it's Second Avenue. So it makes total sense why we are unable to speak in complete blocks of thought. Interruptions are inevitable. So here I sit, at my laptop attempting to form multiple blocks of thought completely, without the various distractions. Although what about the current distractions whirling around in my head:

Will I get the HR/FA position at the El Monte Administrative Office? There have been dozens of people who have approached me both at church and at work to ask me how my interview went last Friday and if I've heard anything yet. It seems a bit premature, though Heather did say they would probably let me know early in the week. I don't have an answer about it...I'm not nervous and not worried in the least, I just wonder. I couldn't sleep the night before and I felt the Lord telling me to turn to Psalms 83. So after arguing in my head about how desperately I needed to get to sleep because of the upcoming interview, I got up, opened my bible and turned to Psalms 83. It was a prayer to frustrate conspiracy against Israel. I didn't get it. I didn't understand what it had to do with me and my situation at work. Later on, I questioned the Lord about it, "Why did you have me read Psalms 83?" 'I just wanted to see if you would do it.' I cried. Obviously, it was a test of obedience. I thought about all the times I have argued in my head about getting up early to read only to fall back asleep. Sometimes we just gotta do things because we are told, even if we don't know why we are told. Most people think I have the job, but I am not assuming anything. Regardless of their choice, I have been granted favor. Most would assume that it worked in my favor that Heather (the Vice president of the company and my old boss I worked under for two years) was one of the interviewers.

Will I ever marry? I'm passed the point where I am feeling sorry for myself and the moments of loneliness are not as frequent as they once were. However, I'm not so sure that I'm not being prepared for a life of singlehood. And it's not so frightening anymore. I've experienced and been in engaged in many things and I know that there are worse things than being single. And although I don't have a boyfriend or husband, I don't feel alone. There have been times in the past that I felt so behind everyone else around me.

How can I make Jesus and the truths of the bible more real to my students? Some classes, seem so futile. I can only pray that they are saving some tiny bit of the truth deep in thier hearts for a future day. The trick is overcoming that feeling of being ineffective and il-equipped. I know some of thise kids must hate me--and probably even think I hate them. I refuse to let them come to church and not pay attention. The word of God deserves our respect and attention. I just want to make it come alive to them in such a way that they can see themselves living it. I know I'll be held accountable if I don't.

Will God heal Gloria of cancer for a 6th time? My mom and I ran into her commadre at the Relay For Life cancer walk a few weeks ago. Gloria has hope that God can heal her and she said that she is not going to die from cancer. It's as if she's got an unbreakable spirit. How great would it be to see her healed again from cancer? And through it, all her family is saved. I hate cancer. I pray against it every day.

When will the hearts of my loved ones be stirred? I pray that their gods would fail them. I ask that unholy alliances be broken. I plead, I pull down, I command...my eyes well up, my heat breaks, hands are lifted in surrender. There are things I know I don't have the power to change so I wait on the Lord. My words cannot be empty with such a strong conviction behind them. Sometimes, all I can do is stay away and pray from afar. I don't want to do more harm than good by getting too close again. Waiting makes you seem aloof.
Well, so these were somewhat complete blocks, even if they were edited. I can't reveal EVERYTHING going on in my head. So many these are bits and pices of my complete blocks...

whatever you call it...you now have ideas from my block head.