Affirmation

So I went to back to prayer a few Saturdays ago after an absence of like, three years or so. And I missed last week, but one of the associate pastors approached me on a Wednesday and told me that the senior pastor wanted to know if I would lead the prayer for the following week. (Ill-equipped? Yeah.) Nonetheless, I agreed to do it. And for the most part, I was fine with it after the initial shock since I had only been to one prayer meeting in three years as I already stated. It wasn't until my cousin nonchalantly asked on the Friday night before, "What are you gonna teach for the lesson?" Huh? The less-what lesson? I have to prepare a lesson?! (Yeah, instant panic and sweats.) Thankfully, my job was only to take over the rest of the prayer time after some of the pastors and laymen left to go pray over another pastor's new church. Pastor said, "I want to give a pat on the back to someone..." (Imagine my surprise when that someone was me.) He went on to say that he had been going through prophecies frm years past that either the Lord gave to him or others gave to him when he came across a few of mine. (A few? How many I wondered.) He spoke of how the words of the prophecies I gave him really blessed him and how the words were still powerful. And he said, "Girl, the Lord really uses you." (Wow. After more than three years of deadness in the spirit...the Spirit speaks.) It was an encouragement. And apparently, I will be leading the prayer once a month when they do their walks. I was humbled and feeling very undeserving. (Ah, grace.)

After going to breakfast with my grandma, running errands, avoiding a lingeringly irritating issue, and getting home with just enough time to pick up my friend for a dinner we were having at another friend's house, I was ready to call it a day. Truthfully, the issue had angered me and drained me of every bit of "high" I had that day. And though I had a headache, I had made a commitment. So I went. As soon as we arrived, my friend greeted us and was already drinking. I shared with two of my friends about this current situation that has me all twisted up inside, trying not to cry about it. My friends urged me not to cry and began pouring the wine as we each started preparing our dishes. After assisting in finishing about 7 bottles, it was clear that none of us needed another glass. And it was obvious that I had meandered--once again--towards failure. (Victory seemed to be short-lived due to the impending defeat.) It wasn't that I didn't have a good time, I did. We even ended the evening with a good ole fashioned, childish FOOD FIGHT! I just handled my sadness in the wrong way. *shrugs* I got up and went to church today anyway. Pastor's prophecy was sobering and made me cry both times I heard him read it.

I need to wake up.
America needs to wake up.